I have been wondering and talking to someone about worrying what people say to us. And I was just thinking about my relationships and the masculine and feminine elements that make them. That which your inner being has an equal amount of, whether you are male or female in your physical body, the non-physical counterpart of you is equal in all of that.
What to do when you feel like a straight male or female and when you feel sort of more of feminine energy and want to express it in your relationship, but you sometimes feel a little bit discouraged from doing that.
It’s a common thing, and the more in alignment you are with who you really are, the more likely you are to express characteristics on either side of the feminine or masculine equation. It’s humans that you want to draw those lines in more specific ways and not allow the whole of who you are to express. In the early days, that used to come up quite often.
Be the real you
If you’re going to be Abraham, why wouldn’t you come forth in a male body as it would be less confusing to people?
The best story was the man that said I’m having a very difficult time explaining about going to this place where Jerry, Esther’s husband, talks about Abraham and Abraham is standing there in his wife, and we thought, well it’s a pretty good plan because it’s feminine and masculine in the name and it gets us close to a balance as can happen in just one person.
Hardly anyone will ever understand that you hardly understand anyone, and you’re all spending most of your time trying to get people to understand you.
The inner balance of masculine and feminine traits
People uncomfortable with their balance or because they’re worried about other people and their discomfort with something that you can’t explain to them. Maybe that means they’re afraid of being rejected or just not being understood.
You got to get over that because hardly anybody’s ever gonna understand you hardly anybody understands anybody, and you all spend most of your time trying to get them to understand, which is how you squander your life force. Esther says this too. I realized I’m working pretty hard at getting them to get me. I want them to understand my reasons and my motives and what I really mean, and it’s so tiring because they’re in all kinds of different places.
Maybe they’re going to understand you, and maybe they’re not. Maybe they’re never gonna get you, and maybe they will get you tomorrow. It’s too much for you to think about, don’t worry about anybody’s response to you. The only thing you need to do is to overcome the need for approval from others.
Releasing the need for approval
When you seek others’ approval, you miss opportunities to learn how to approve of yourselves—even if others don’t. In the long run, you will always be their prisoner, and that holds you back from your true self. Lao Tzu puts it clearly that “Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner. Do your work, then step back, the only path to serenity.”
Needing approval may result in you rejecting potential opportunities because you’re too anxious and believe your performance has to be perfect. It may cause you to fear failing so much that you give up before you start.
As such, it is crucial to pay attention to how the desire for approval is holding you back from achieving what is essential to you or preventing you to live your life as you wish. Once you move past this, you will have the freedom to accomplish what you want in life because your precious time won’t be consumed with worrying about what others will think.
How to let go the need for approval
Figure out why you are seeking approval
It is much easier to eliminate this behavior once you know why you constantly seek approval. Just like you can’t improve what you can’t measure, take time and try to understand why the opinions of others are weightier than yours. That way, it will be easier to comprehend why you are always seeking approval, and you will be able to map out a way to overcome it.
Pay attention to behaviors that make you feel good about yourself
When you build the strength to go with that which feel right for you, the urge to seek validation from other people won’t be a bother anymore. You will now stop worrying and be able to focus on things you like and stay true to yourself.
Be aware of your actions
Once you become aware of how often you’re seeking people’s opinions, you start to work on yourself from within. Shira Gura, an occupational therapist and well-being coach with an interview with Bustle over email, says that we must recognize that our approval-seeking behavior from beliefs and emotions that arise within us.
Learn to accept who you are
Self-confidence starts by accepting yourself for who you are and not worrying what people think. It isn’t easy to accept yourself for who you are, but once you know your true value, it starts to become clear that other people’s opinions aren’t vital in your life.
Be honest with yourself
Are you committing to a new task because it is right for you or because you want to gain approval? Take time and re-evaluate whether what you are doing is for your own good or to gain other people’s approval. That way, it will be easier to focus on tasks that allow for the growth of your personal goals instead of avoiding disapproval by others.
Don’t forget to be kind to yourself as you are to your friends. Practising self-care, doing kind things to yourself, and letting other care for you as some of the things you need to value and welcome. The more you welcome them and build self-love, worrying about what others reduce dramatically.
Stop comparing yourself to others
You are unique in your own way, and you can’t be like our friends, family members or co-workers no matter how harder you try. They also have a uniqueness you can’t match. So, if those close to you have a tendency to seek approval, you don’t have to be like them to be complete. You are a unique being with a unique purpose and path in this world, and thus you shouldn’t emulate blindly. And if tempted to compare, remember to take those comparisons with a grain of salt.
Take a break from social media
Social media can get you in a state of social comparison to others. Take, for example, where someone gets 1000 likes, and your urge to get the same pushes you to seek approval through likes. That itself may force you to get down on yourself if you don’t get the desired amount of approvals. So, if possible, take a break from social media — it is one thing that will really help release your addiction to approval.
Decide what you really want
Understating and paying attention to what you really want can help overcome the need for approval. By knowing what you want, you stop worrying about what others think and when you succeed (of course after making a few mistakes), you will find what people think may not truly matter.
Meditation feeds your soul, helps your mind relax and diminish all the anxiety you feel you need from external validation. If you learn to do it well, you will be able to center yourself and that will give you a sense of mental stability. All your feelings of worthlessness can fall away, and you will be left with a deeper sense of understanding why you should stop caring what others think.
Practice, practice and practice
Don’t expect to see changes overnight. It is going to take time, and you need to be patient in this process. Thankfully, if you commit to progressing without worrying about other people think, in no time, you will start a sense of self-love, confidence in your actions, and the idea of what others may want you to be won’t bother you anymore.
Approval seeking habits you need to stop
Releasing addiction to approval start by recognizing approval-seeking behaviors, some of which are not frequent, and you may be quick to dismiss them. Below are some approval-seeking behaviors you need to overcome to live a positive, confident life.
- Paying insincere compliments to gain approval
- Expressing agreement when you do not agree
- Failing to complain after receiving poor product or service
- Asking permission when it is not required
- Softening or changing your position because someone appears to disapprove
- Feeling worried, insulted, or upset when someone disagrees with you
- Often apologizing for your words and deed even before other express disapproval
- Doing something you don’t like because you are afraid to say “No.”
- Faking to be knowledgeable on a subject because you are afraid to admit there is something you don’t know
- Behaving in a non-conforming manner in order to draw attention to yourself
- Spreading bad news and gossip to gain attention
Worry about what others think
When worried about what others think and whether they get you, whether they understand, and whether they approve what is worrying you, staying true to yourself becomes a big challenge.
It’s not a good thing as it causes you to care about harmonizing with them rather than carry about harmonizing with your source. It’s like you lose your attention and awareness of your own guidance system as you try to get it where it isn’t. In playful terms, we say, that’s looking for love in all the wrong places.
It’s a common thing —the more you are in alignment with who you really are —the more likely you are on either side of the feminine or masculine equation to express characteristics.
Because where it really is, where it consistently is, oh it is another example of lots of people adore you, and lots of people love you, and oh it feels so good to be in your human body and to hold someone as your object of attention and love. It feels good to them, or it feels so good when they hold you as their object of attention, and they love you, that feels good. We know why you want that from each other, but those are delicious manifestations.
That’s more of that physical stuff that we don’t want you to get dependent on or hooked on because it’s elusive, and it’s passing through, and it’s old news. It’s people who want to draw those lines in more specific ways and don’t allow you to express the whole thing that is old news.
What you can always count on is the love, appreciation, focus, attention, and awareness that your inner being has with you. Whether you are male or female in your physical body, the non-physical counterpart of you is balanced and measured.
Catering to others and how it affects your inner balance
Haven’t you noticed that sometimes in the quest for somebody’s attention and approval, you get really good at catering to them? You stand on your head in lots of different ways, and they keep evolving and wanting different things from you.
So you never quite get them satisfied because they’re looking to you for something that isn’t yours to give them, and so you really do everybody a favor by being a holdout. Not being so agreeable because if you are so easy to give them what they want, then they will never have to figure out how to align with where it really is. Then not only do you disappoint them, but everywhere they go, they’re disappointed.
So you can never really satisfy them because they are looking for something you can’t give them. They get their feelings hurt when nobody’s trying to hurt their feelings, and still you’re not satisfied. People are uncomfortable with their balance or worried about other people and their discomfort with something you can’t explain to them. Maybe that means they’re scared of being rejected or simply not being understood. We don’t want you to become dependent or hooked on physical stuff because it’s elusive, and it’s going through, and its old news.
For you to truly love yourself for who you are, you should stop worrying about what others are thinking or saying. Be proud of who you are and appreciate what you have and hopefully, the above recommendations on ways to stop caring about what people think will help you release that approval-seeking behavior.
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